Never Easy
by nellchan0013
Summary: He cared for her and told himself that he didn't like her that way; but he was lying to himself. That's why it hurt so much when she chose someone else.  One-sided ChessShipping, NxWhite, friendship BlackxCheren  T for safety.


Just a one-shot I needed to write after something happened tonight...circumstances are actually quite similar, except I'm a girl and my crush was a guy and his crush was a girl...

It's unedited by the way!

**Disclaimer: **N, White, Black, Cheren and any others don't belong to me, they belong to Pokemon! However, the situation doesn't belong to me either, because I'm sure it's happened to a bunch of other people as well. It just so happened to happen to me tonight.

* * *

It's never been easy. The moment he told her how he felt, he knew what her answer would be. Her ocean blue eyes grew sorrowful, her smile slid off her face when he told her just how he felt. Of course, he already knew that she didn't think of him as any more of a friend; he knew that White's heart belonged to N. But that didn't mean he wasn't going to tell her how much he cared for her. It was more for him than anything. Closure, you could say. Tell her, even though he knew she'd turn him down, and move on with his life. Find someone else while silently being there for White, telling himself that he could move past her rejection.

A year passed and Black and White stayed friends. He told himself that he didn't like her that way anymore, but it was always there in his heart. White was a long-time crush and even though it had hurt so bad the first time she rejected him, time healed the wound and he still found his feelings for her remained the same. But he wasn't going to tell her again; he liked keeping her as a friend and he knew that she still had a thing for N and the feeling was mutual…if only either of them gathered enough courage to tell one another.

It hurt to cheer her on with a smiling face. She never knew that he never moved on; never knew that he still harbored feelings for her that he knew she'd never return, no matter how much he wished. But he told himself that he didn't' feel that way for her, knowing that he was lying to himself and everyone who asked.

"No, I don't like her anymore; we're just friends. Besides, I'm supporting her and N." He'd tell Belle and Cheren whenever the topic came up. He'd say it with a smile while inside, it hurt to admit. It hurt to know that he wasn't good enough for her, wasn't who she was looking for. He was being silly, Black knew, but that didn't change a thing.

Black had told himself: if he truly cared for White, then he would be okay with whoever she liked. As long as she was happy, then he was happy. And if liking N made White happy, then Black was okay with that. His feelings would stay buried under everything else and he'd do all he could to make sure that White was okay. Because she didn't need to know that he still cared for her, know that, as much as she wanted to be with N, Black didn't want that. He kept it to himself though, even when Cheren, his closest friend asked him about it.

"Really! I'm fine; I just want her to be happy." He assured Cheren, wishing so much he could tell him that what he was saying and what he was feeling were two entirely different things. But that would mean risking any chances she might have, because he didn't want any negative emotions between them. So he chose to be her friend, to help guide her to N, support her, offer suggestions, even if it killed him slowly on the inside.

The philosophy he had was harder to live by then he ever wanted to admit. Black was put to the test a few days ago. White told him: she and N were official. They were what she had wanted them to be and what Black had wished he was with her. So he smiled and told her that he was glad things worked out for her. She had smiled back and told him that none of it would have been possible without him. That was what had hurt the most.

For the first time in a long time, Black let himself cry. Of course, it was when he was alone. The reality of knowing that White didn't return his feelings hurt more than he had thought. So he let whatever he had been holding in out and though it felt better, it still hurt. A whole year since when he'd confessed to her and he'd told himself countless times that he only liked her as a friend. Even he knew that he was lying to himself. But he never acknowledged it, until know. His heart ached and he was a bit surprised when Cheren called him up a few hours after White told Black.

"Friend's intuition; I had a feeling something was wrong." Cheren shrugged over the phone. "Belle told me, you okay?" He asked his friend, already knowing the answer. It was standard protocol though.

"I…I don't really know. I mean, I liked her, and I wanted her to be happy…but it hurts…." Black sighed. "Does that make sense?"

"Perfect sense, actually." Cheren sighed. "Give it time, Black. It was great enough that you supported her, but next time, be honest with your feelings instead of lying to yourself. It hurts less." He told him softly before hanging up.

Black let his shoulders slump. It wasn't going to be easy being happy around White and N, but he had to. If he cared for her like he knew he did, then he would be okay with their relationship. It didn't matter to him anymore what he felt; all that mattered was what White felt. No matter how much it hurt him, no matter how much he wanted to drive N and White apart, he would tolerate it and he would accept the feelings White had towards him. It wasn't going to be easy.

But then again, it was never easy.

* * *

So, that's that; rather depressing actually.  
And I just realized there's major hints of BlackxCheren, but I swear it's strictly friendship!

Review?  
-nell


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